Inspiration Corner : Backing Yourself
by Candice Palladino
“My name is Candice, and I am an artist.”
I need to say that to myself every time I get sad or frustrated. Which, to be honest, is quite often (I am an artist after all). It’s definitely not a cure-all, but it does ground me because for as long as I can remember I have been one... Always singing. Always acting. Always making people laugh. But I never created. It wasn’t for me. It wasn’t something I was capable of...
Yeah.
Isn’t it funny how children are always encouraged to be artists? Their original pieces get prime space on the fridge... Parents kvell as their little ones passionately recite, “I break off a piece of me, so you will never be hungry,” as the Cookie in the Nativity Play... Or how they tear up watching their bundle howl on cue during the orchestra’s musical rendition of the book Call of the Wild.
But what happens when those same children pass puberty and start filling out university applications?
“Woah, Candice. But WHAT are you actually going to do?” (Please note: my parents have always been exceptionally supportive).
Those voices... Boy, have they affected me. So much so I writhe in terror when it’s time to attend functions because I know someone is going to ask:
“But how much money do you make?” “But what restaurant do you work in?” “But what do you actually do?”
Yes. Terror. That’s basically how I lived my life... Until the pandemic.
I hate admitting it because that time was horrific and traumatic for people across the world... But for me, on a personal and professional level, that deep darkness helped me find my light. You see, instead of the world wondering WHAT I was doing they desperately wanted to know HOW I was doing...
Lightbulb.
The pandemic in all its disgusting glory gave me the gift of time and silence. I thought. I pondered. I reflected (yes, in sweats). And I came to the realization I wanted change. To stop waiting for the phone to ring... To stop crying into a bag of Cool Original Doritos... To stop wishing and hoping and start doing.
So I strapped on my big girl pants, jumped into the ether and wrote and played and listened... And do you know what I heard in all that silence? My voice. Loud and clear, bellowing from the depths of my soul. Drowned out all these years by the boom of others.
Shhhh.
Now each page I write... Each video I produce... Each application I submit... They all make me feel whole... So much so my script has changed:
Them: But how much money do you make? Me: Well, how much do you make, Carol?
Them: What restaurant do you work in?
Me: Ah, it’s a great place. It’s called my kitchen. It’s really cool. Buy and cook whatever. Not high end, but very exclusive. You’ll never get a reservation.
Candice Palladino : Photo - Richard Wakefield
Them: But what do you actually do?
Me: Well, I’m currently drafting a new version of my dark comedy feature film, also working on a play with music featuring Sharen Lorenzo... She’s a character I created with an Internet series called, “Think-A-Doos” which I also wrote, directed, and starred in... Oh, a short film by Fraught Productions I acted in just played Horror-on-Sea festival and it was great to go there and meet lovely people... Oh, then there’s the short I’m working on with Alex, he’s a lovely writer who after seeing the things I created sent me his script and was like, “Hey I thought of you. Are you interested in making this?” And I was like, “Yeah.” Also, can’t forget that I am an award winning creative from the web series I created, directed, wrote, starred in, etc. called “It’s Daisy May” and won awards for other acting roles, too.
And breathe...
I was chatting to an actor friend. She told me how proud she was of my creations and it led me to say, “Hey, why don’t you create something, too?” She countered with something quite familiar, “I’m just not good at it.”
So, if that’s you, hi! I see you. I hear you. I was you. And I know I can’t force you into it. You’ll get there if and when you are ready. Instead, I want to tell you this:
Back yourself.
It’s lonely in the darkness especially, if I borrow from that beautiful iceberg analogy, when you’re submerged in freezing cold water, desperately trying to get to the surface with all those negative and soul-destroying voices pushing you deeper into the abyss. So instead of fighting them head on, here’s what I want you to do: let yourself fall. Get away from them and embrace the dark. Because only at your darkest is when you will be able to find your light. Then, when you’re ready, find your iceberg and grab on. From there it’s one step at a time to the top.
Sometimes the climb will be easy. Sometimes you’ll continually lose your footing, but Icey will always be there inviting you to explore those beautiful nooks and crannies. And when you do get to the surface, bask in the glow of the glorious sunshine, and turn around. Because there I’ll be waving you on.
Promise me...
Believe in the gift you have to give this world. Be honest with your goals.
Make a plan on how to achieve them.
Listen to the one voice that truly matters.
Back yourself, friends. Because if you don’t, why should anybody else?
Candice recently finished a reading of a new TV pilot by Amanda Graham playing one of the leads and is currently writing a play and a short film. Candice holds a Master of Arts (MA) from the Royal Conservatoire of Scotland, as well as a Bachelor of Fine Arts (BFA) from New York University’s TISCH School of the Arts.